Datebook: December 1, 2008
We have four junior teams going to the Junior Grand Prix Final and two teams going to the senior event being held in Korea. Who would have thought the ice dance bridesmaids would become the main attraction?
It occurred to me that the networks could garner more TV viewers by offering another panel of commentators for nationals. Oh, we could keep Dick, Peggy, and Scott so viewers could have a choice, but, for those who like extreme verbiage, we could offer a scroll line commentary by a selected panel of FSU writers who do the play-by-play in contemporary terms. So, instead of a RoL1 that most people think is a small candy with a caramel nugget filling, we would have the scroll line offering the "street" breakdown of "brief crotch whiff to an outside edge drop."
Viewers would feel more connected when they read the scroll line that says what they were thinking.
"Is she wearing my mother's shower curtain?"
"He looks like a cross between David Navarro and David Cassidy!"
"If looks could burn, he would be vaporized!"
Communication is key in our modern era.
What works in skating also works in the other world. This is why I would like to start a new trend: instead of offering a wish list for the holidays, I proffer that we offer a list of things we do NOT want. For most women I believe this list would include the following:1. Any type of appliance that can be plugged into an outlet in the kitchen. Be it two or three prong, this falls into what I consider "home maintenance" and is therefore ineligible for a holiday gift.
2. Anything that has a plant that will eventually grow from any portion of its clay-like or ceramic body. Unless you want it Super Glued to the dash of your car, don't put it in my stocking.
3. No motif sweaters. (I don't think I need to explain this.)
4. Nothing that can be purchased while you are waiting in line at the Wa-Wa or a Royal Farm store. This cuts down on the Carpenters' Greatest Christmas Hits CDs, Hess trucks, and energy pill packs.
5. Gloves. I have 400 pair of gloves because my daughter skates, and I have all the discards that she would not wear (although I thought they were cute), plus the 200 single gloves that have lost their partners and are waiting for try-outs with other wooly kinds.
6. Drugstore lotion sets. All women will agree with me -- these are concocted in some aberrant laboratory that seems to have a pipeline from the local landfill. Unless Johnny Depp is the factory owner, walk away from these lethal lanolin locos.
7. Anything from Home Depot. OK, I know there are some fabulous finds in this great superstore, but it has to be outlawed in case you get sidelined by some type of drill, a pink hammer set, or lengths of wood molding. An upgraded riding mower decorated in holly is going to roast more than your chestnuts by the roaring fire.
8. Hickory Farms cheese or sausage logs. These are re-gifted to in-laws or the UPS man.
9. Bedroom slippers. (This is a Ghost of Christmas Past and recalls some conversations on how old you should be to wear Dearfoams without toes. I believe the opinion poll was 84 years of age.)
10. This is your opportunity to write in your least favorite item to open on your holiday morn. You could, for example, add anything that requires a sweeping or mopping motion -- no matter how magical it is advertised as being.
I hope this list can be disseminated to your family members and co-workers. It will help take away some of the stress as we anxiously await the results of the Grand Prix Finals and the approach of January nationals.
If it doesn't work, we can gather in the first month in the Cleveland lobby for an impromptu wine and cheese party using our Hickory Farms cheese and sausage logs.
Mombo








