Datebook: Monday, November 20th ~ 2006

I am not really a daytime television watcher. Yet, there I was on election day, sitting in the neighborhood nail salon, trying not to smell the caustic fumes of burning cuticle dust, captivated by the seemingly same story line on Bold and the Beautiful as when I watched it a bejillion years ago. The only difference is that now they have sound effects.



Yes, those smoldering looks are now broadcast with cracks of lightening and dings and pings like the basic power point show on employee benefit night.

The afternoon continues with “Ellen”, one of my favorites and I realized how much I miss her smiling face and dancing feet from the days of her sitcom era. She is one of my idols actually. She has never been afraid to wear comfortable shoes and socks with any outfit, and I doubt that she spends double-digits on hair care products annually. Yes, she seems so casual and comfortable with life. And we all love her and wish she lived next door.

Unlike the women on “The View”.

I have to admit that although I like all of the women on this show, I just cannot sit through more than ten minutes of all of them trying to talk over, around, and between each other. I feel a bit battered after a few minutes, as if I have been to one on my own family gatherings where my relatives try to out shout each other because their hearing aid batteries are giving out, or worse, they think what they have to say is more important than what anyone else has to say. And none of them listen to what anyone else says anyway.

The daytime afternoon builds for the fabulous duo- Dr. Phil and Oprah.

I used to love Dr. Phil, but now I have to admit it, I am getting a little ‘phil’ed up. He is insightful and intuitive but lately his shows have been a bit Jerry Springerish without the flashing body parts. Plus, it seems a bit daunting to me that everyday his wife is sitting in the audience. Watching him. Imagine if the average wife did that. Follows her husband to work, walks him into the building and walks him out of the building. We’ve done that with our children in elementary school…I mean women who really do this could be on a daytime talk show getting advice on how to have their own lives. Now I see that Robin has written her own book, as did son Jay. So, I’m thinking they should have a Dr. Phil board game—you pick a card with a problem stated and you write down advice that you think fits the scenario. You then match your advice with the Dr. Phil advice card. As long as you use common sense and suggest the basics of civility you are going to win.

This means all of us could have our own talk or game show.

I would call mine “The Mombo Hour”. And I would wear red everyday.

I would have parents on my talk/game show as contestants betting on “Where did I go right” and “Where did I go wrong”. To add excitement there would be degrees of correctness and wrongness, of simply stated, “levels”. So if you really messed up in a child-rearing situation, but added special nuances to your errors, you could get a -1 for the skill, but pluses on the uniqueness of the problem. It is a bit complicated and we would probably need technical specialists to make each “call”.

Oh yes, and I would have Antonio Banderas on the show, and Kevin Costner. And Toby Keith. I know they don’t fit the format I just laid out but having your own show seems to indicate that you can do whatever you want. And I’ve noticed there are a great number of hugs and hand touchings on all of these shows.

Very platonic but still exciting.

The next non-major holidays that might allow for lounging on the sofa in the afternoon are Martin Luther King’s birthday and/or President’s Day (unless you’re are off for Bill of Rights Day on December 15th). Pick a day-time drama that you might have watched five years ago when you had the flu and see if you can still pick up the storyline.

Or you can keep watching old skating tapes and count the Carmens.

Mombo