Datebook: Monday, December 17th ~ 2007

I know that the holiday season is that special time of year that is supposed to bring out the best in all of us, and I think it typically does.

But, we all lie during this tinsel time.

We all say, “It really isn’t about the gift, it’s about the thought and love that goes into selecting the gift.”

And this is true to an extent.

But, some marketing executives have foisted their products on the American consumers with such guile and cunning that many will be unwrapping beribboned paper to discover some horrors of the holidays.

Proffered Gift One: Chia Pets. A new outbreak has appeared, after a decade of being seemingly Chia-free, much like some mutant flu virus, and based on the information from a recent commercial that asserted they are back with a vengeance with the concept of a digital clock built into the base of the vegetation growth-line making it truly a “multipurpose” gift. If the world is truly as close as 6 degrees, this means that 4 out 10 people will be receiving these terra-cota nightmares, and 2 out of those 4 will spread the seed packs after wetting those nude heads and sit back to watch the miracle in action. I am sure there is a Chia Pet section at all landfills where the bulldozers use their molded heads for crushing practice.

Proffered Gift Two: My Pretty Puppy Purse. These would be considered adorable if they were sold in Toys-R-Us for five year-olds who wanted a Christmas puppy. Sadly, they are sold in moderate department stores for adult women who seeming have a passion for unzipping the backbone of a vinyl Dachshund, Cocker Spaniel, or Pug and stashing their keys, wallets, and lipsticks in the snout or hindquarters of these canine pretenders. I pray that Coach, Gucci, or Louis Vuitton do not become entranced with the idea and put out a monogrammed version that might force this new breed to stay in existence past the weaning stage.

Proffered Gift Three: Any Cork Screw that comes in a box that needs to be assembled prior to use. Typically these contraptions weigh about six pounds and have clever names like “Wine Gods” and “Cork Extractor”. Trust me; you couldn’t get more overkill unless you use a street-sweeper to pick up cookie crumbs from your tiled kitchen floor.

So Mombo thought this would be a special time to make a list for what we really wish for our skating friends this year-- wishes that truly are from the heart and wrapped with warmth, and maybe, just maybe, with a bow tied with humor. Please feel free to add onto the list on via the comments section so everyone is included:

Christmas Wishes For:

Daphne: A year filled with healthy felines and an award at the end of the year for offering the best coverage of Ice Dance--in the World!

Michelle W: One photograph of all the hundreds of skaters you have captured on film in their moments in the spotlight so that you can remember what you have given to so many.

Sylvia: An unlimited international calling card and a five-way calling plan so you can be even seconds faster than you currently are at getting the results in.

Wicked Witch: Ruby slippers so what you wish for comes true more often.

Bonnie Gilles: A weeks vacation to somewhere warm-- far, far, away from any ice rink and your three skating children.

Susan Hubbell: A collection box at Nationals—she does what we all do times two!!

Christine Binder: Use of a Private Jet from LA to BWI.

John Cole: A week with no phone calls about skating.

Holly Cole: A BMW convertible hidden in a garage until the 25th.

Jenny Mast: A non-skating vacation without the possibilities of an earthquake.

Bob Horen: Too many great teams to make a selection.

Julie Schmitz: 200 thank-you cards from Team USA

Charlie White and Meryl Davis: A big, new trophy/medal case.

Tanith and Ben: The top spot for the Worlds Podium.

Melissa and Denis: A healthy, happy year.

Emily and Evan: Smiles at Nationals.

Brent and Kim: Another “Best Performance” Award.

John Corona: an endorsement by your obvious sponsor.

Clare Farrell: A team USA jacket.

Chase Fishpaw: Unlimited mileage between Delaware, NYC, and North Dakota.

Pilar Bosley: “Wild Horses”.

Piper Gilles: Someone to take down the holiday lights or no more climbing on the roof.

Tim and Lauren Mckernan: Safe Returns.

Jennifer and Daniil: A special anniversary.

Maddie and Keiffer: Smiles at Nationals.

Sara Bailey: No more flu bugs.

Anastasia and Isabella: More ties!

Baxter Burbank: Your 80.00 cash back.

Liz Lewis: Your ‘6’ is really ten!

Ben and Liza: A trip to remember.

Lili and Zack: Medals next year.

Travis Mager: More Columns.

Lauren Ely: The best of both worlds.

Charlotte Maxwell: Returned smiles.

Nick Traxler: A heart tattoo.

Todd and Jane: More years together.

Logan and Lynn: Standing Ovations.

Mauri and Joel: Fifteen Ice-sweepers!

Robbie Kaine: Everyone “Stays Organized”.

Ann Greenthal: 50 more Lake Placids!

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